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It starts every year in my office in early fall. I call it The Holiday Destination Dilemma. As in, who do we have to see this year?

The season of obligation

Do we go to your parents or my parents?

We did Thanksgiving with your parents and Christmas with my parents last year so this year we have to do Thankgiving with my parents and Christmas with your parents.

While we are visting for the holiday we have to go see Aunt Drydust and then Uncle Know-it-all.

Yikes!

Where did we get the notion that the holidays have to be a continuing series of obligatory trips to see folks with whom we would not otherwise hang out?

A radical alternative

Some people are shocked by what I am about to suggest.

Most folks eventually get a grin on their face indicating they are beginning to think that they really can decide where they want to go and how they want to spend their time.

Once you are a grown up, I believe you get to decide where and with whom you want to spend the holidays.

Even more so once you are married and have your own little familhy, kids or not.

Not everyone is going to like this. The guilt will flow in abundant supply. That's going to have to be OK.

Take the pressure off this holiday season and go where you would like to go and spend time with those whome you choose.

Have a radically happy holiday season!

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com